Having only being married for less than a year, I have been beaten over a hundred times or more, (no exaggeration), and told that I am always being watched, so I cannot escape from him. Yes, I live in fear. I am also pregnant with our first child and have no family I can count on, as no one believes in domestic violence in my family. They tell me to grin and bear it. They don’t know of the torture I go through, and the crying and fear I deal with on a daily basis, all while trying to keep this baby healthy inside me.
What is normal?! I only know that my “new normal” is not being hit and punched and sworn at, everyday by my husband, who thought it is his right to do so. I know my “new normal” is not having a daily bloody nose due to being punched in the face. It has taken a long, long time to get this “new normal” because it has taken me years to escape from my abuser, due to his influence and power.
I am often afraid of what he will do next, even though I am no longer with him, because as he told me, he would see me dead first or take everything I have including our three children. I have heard from other survivors, that that is the threat they have faced as well.
When will we all, as survivors, have peace? I am afraid for those still in their abusive situation, especially now during this pandemic.
No one has the right.
As someone once asked me what were the worst parts of going through the system with my abuser–besides the abuse I suffered, I could say a whole list of things, but the few that stand out are the fact that domestic violence is so downplayed in the Will County Courts, and within the local and state media as well. The fact that the court system, judges and many of the attorneys are sexist and have not only made sexist remarks to survivors, but treat women and especially women who have survived abuse, as animals and as though we have no rights and no voice.
As a black woman survivor, I stand with all of my “sisters” of different races and ethnicities, to say that there needs to be reform and accountability in the Will County courts. As a survivor of not only domestic violence, but A SURVIVOR OF SEXUAL ASSAULT AS WELL BY A POLICE OFFICER, who was not disciplined, the change needs to start now, as this has been going on for many, many decades due to the lack of accountability, and the fact that it is allowed everyday to occur. Survivors are laughed at and not believed. Maybe that is what they want, to see women kept underneath them forever, and not allowed to be heard.
I am anonymous but standing proud as a survivor!
There is a time to step out and seek a new way to survive, all of the past hurts and bruises you have suffered at the hands of your abuser.
There is a time to say enough is enough.
There is a time, to say to the screwed up system, that their “good old boys club” privileged behaviors will not be tolerated any longer and there needs to be justice for all, and accountability for all judges, attorneys and court officials, who cross the line and don’t adhere to the law, but only to their pocketbooks. They protect abusers, but not victims/survivors.
As a millennial African American woman, I have seen my mother survive this and now, I am dealing with my own survival story as well. I have seen the trauma it causes, and have felt it myself.
I applaud the bravery of all survivors. We are strong.
If I could speak of one incident done by my abuser it would be this. As I was pushed out of a moving vehicle not long ago by my abusive husband, who had just got done beating me at home, and then he dragged me into the car so he could continue berating me. I lay on the concrete, crying, bleeding and numb, as other vehicles continued to pass by without stopping.
I don’t even remember how long I lay there, or how many dozens of cars passed me, but it felt like it was one after another, before someone actually came over, but they were not in a car, but were on their bike, as I recall. I was hurt, but was able to walk. My abuser came back and the nice young man on his bike didn’t seem to know what to do to help me.
This was not the first time I was beat up, but for some reason, this was was more traumatizing, as most times I have been beaten when no one was around, but being pushed out of the car, and so many people just driving by and not caring, left me horrified. I had heard stories about people ignoring victims of abuse, but I never thought people actually did that, when it is right in front of them, and never thought so many people would not actually care to stop and help me. It seems that victims of domestic violence like me don’t matter to people. Hope to escape my abuser someday.