There is nothing unique about my story. I met a person who was wonderful to me. We met at the YMCA one day and went out with a group of friends and there he was. However, there were signs that always were in the back of my head. Social drinking was out of control, verbal abuse in public, in front of his family. I always thought that things could be changed over time. We got married, bought a home, and then I got pregnant with my first. We both worked very hard to pay the bills. There were no financial issues at that time. After our daughter was born, there seemed to be the frustration and anxiety, which were at all time high levels. Since he was working two jobs, the resentment for me also increased. The things I cherished from my childhood were broken when we argued, at first I would just try to remain calm and try to appease, but that didn’t work. My son was born 3 yrs. later. Drinking had become a part of most events with family and friends. He loved our kids very much and I took a part time job on second shift, having friends be with my kids till he came home. I could say that there was some relief due to the fact that extra money was coming in.
Although this did help, I was relying on friends for child care and rides for groceries, etc.
The verbal abuse continued with pushing and shoving. His mom often would tell him, that if he didn’t want to be in the marriage he should just leave, I also said the same. I counseled with my parish priest, trying to still make it work for myself and the kids.
Weekends became a nightmare. He would go out as soon as I came home from work, leaving the kids with a sitter. I was taking a ride from co-workers and started to get dropped off a couple blocks from my house to avoid the situation. Heart was breaking for my children, life had become very difficult. The car would be hidden so I couldn’t use it, the same with the financial aspect. No control over any of the money we had.
One Sunday morning I was cooking breakfast for the kids and after a night of drinking, I was attacked by him. I was punched in the arms and shoved. I took the kids and ran to my friend and neighbor and called the police. I had him arrested. After the years of abuse verbally and now this was happening, it was time for change. I had him evicted, went for an order and from that moment on, I decided that no one would ever do that to me or my kids again. So you see, as I said in the beginning, my story is a very typical one. Abusers come in all forms, save your life and never ever think you can change someone. The signs were there. Don’t ever keep hoping it will go away, it doesn’t. The fortunate thing was that I had many angels in my life during that time and I thank my Lord everyday for that.