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Survivor Stories

Dear Lord

Dear Lord,

I ask for your strength today.

You see – I escaped a few days ago, as you know.

But… I am scared, I am stressed, I am afraid.

I don’t know what to do, or don’t know what my future holds, or where I am going.

I just know I got out, thank goodness.

I am out of the horror that I faced each day, since I have been married.

I am out of the daily beatings.

I am out of the trauma.

I am out of the constant sadness and despair.

I hope for a future of kindness, of compassion, of happiness, of dreams, of living.

The only thing that matters is that I am alive.

I just need strength to move forward.

I know I will have to face him again, in court, so I pray for strength.

Please get me through this, one step and one day at a time.

 

No name, just praying.

Torn

I don’t believe in, nor trust people. I don’t really know how to sum up the pain that has been caused. It’s often too much – too overwhelming to even describe. How does one describe the abuse……… I just want to cry, cry, cry.

How do I describe what has been done to me?! It was indescribable – just unbearable some days, to be honest, that when I was knocked unconscious, and finally woke up in a daze, I just wished it was over. Just so it didn’t have to occur over and over again.

I am glad I woke up and am now free.

The fear I endured, every single day, most people cannot even imagine.

The brutality of the abuse my ex did to me, is etched in my brain, and memories/nightmares left to deal with. That is definitely not love. I may never know true love – after all of this. Too much damage has been done. It takes up all my energy just to get up and keep going. God – Please give me the courage.

I have been torn to pieces.

I pray for happiness.

Time

As I sat in the park crying today, I thought of all of the times, I have done that, because of the abuse I have suffered.

I thought of so many days wasted, because of it.

I thought of things I have not done, because of it.

I thought of opportunities gone, because of it.

I thought of my self-esteem being pushed to the bottom, because of it.

I thought of my body, being beaten and bruised, because of it.

I thought of all of the hateful and hurtful words that were screamed at me by my abuser, and the scars both inside and out, took another piece of my life, each time.

I lost so much, but I thought as well, that I still have, my life.

I am leaving today.

Done crying… the time of each moment of my life away.   He is SO not worth it, and I know I am worth more.

 

Anonymous Survivor, who is finally leaving

Sleep

Do I dare go to sleep tonight?  Will I wake up, or will he kill me while I sleep?

Those are the thoughts I have had many nights, after he has come home from work, and gone into a rage, over little things I did that he did not like, such as if his dinner wasn’t hot enough. He even acted like that when his friends came over for dinner, and they didn’t even seem bothered by it.  Even though I have fresh bruises on my arm, and a cut on my eye, his friends, didn’t even ask what happened.  Do they know?  Do they just not even care?

I think people in this community would just rather look the other way instead of helping.

Just a helpful and encouraging word, would be nice.  To let me know, that I’m not alone, even though I feel like I am.

I am still in my situation, but attempting to leave soon, so please pray for me;   And for anyone who cares, if you see someone like me who might need help, I hope you would take time to do so.

Maybe someday, I will be free and able to sleep soundly again.

Anonymous and asking people to stop and help others…….

It All Started At 15…

I was seen as an “embarrassment” to not only my abuser, but to my parents as well, which made me just dislike/hate myself.

I thought, that I was the problem all along, because no one stood up for me.  No one.

As someone who was sexually assaulted at 15, by a “family friend”, and then became pregnant by this person and force by him and my parents, to not only have the baby, but to marry this individual as well, I lost all trust in people from that point on.  

I often felt that maybe I was watching another person’s story, and that it couldn’t be my own;  I often “disassociated” myself from my reality, just to survive.  It was like I was living an “out of body” experience, just to cope.

Having been from a “privileged and well known “ family, there was nothing  I could say, because no one would have believed me, and no one would have helped me, as I was often reminded.

During my “marriage”, I have been beaten, bruised, locked in closets, left with very little to eat for me and my child, having to “save”  and hide food, and look for some as well, when I was let out to take my child to the park or if we visited my parents.  (with supervision of course.)

Life has been very difficult, but the fear I have seen on my child’s face, from a young age, has hurt me more than all I have been through. Years have passed, and I am trying to “get out”, and have started the process, very slowly.  We are “out”, of that house, and away from my family, who enabled him to do this to us.  

I know the healing for both me and my child, will take a long time, but as I have heard many people say, I just need to take “one step at a time.”