Survivor Stories

I  AM FREE

Like a butterfly……I am finally free! 

If I believe in myself, which is very difficult, I can accomplish anything.  

Look at me NOW!  I left my abuser, and now I am free… to…..just be……..ME……..whatever that might be.

Just trying to remember how to not be afraid, and to enjoy a “normal” day.

What is “normal?”

I am trying to figure that out.

Who am I anyway?   What am I good for?  I have been told for so long, that I am “not good for anything”, but I know that is not true, but when you have heard it constantly for years, it sinks into your brain.  Horrible feeling and such low self worth follows.   I know it will take time to heal.

I have to heal from the physical as well as the emotional abuse.  Some of the scars, may never go away.  

I will just try to get through, day-by-day.

I know that I can only just do my best.

Sometimes, I watch people go by, as I am sitting in the park, after my daily walk.  I often wonder, who else has dealt or is dealing with what I have been through.  I often wonder how more people didn’t know what I was going through.    I often say to myself;  “Why didn’t they help?”  For all of the pain I was in, I thought someone had to have known.  I know many probably don’t pay attention to someone else’s pain or struggles, but during that time I was with him, and in severe pain, on a daily basis, I lost all faith in people.   Maybe someday, I will believe in people again.  Maybe.

As for tomorrow, and the next day, I just hope that I will find something to bring me more joy.  The joy I have now, is something many people probably take for granted, and that is, just simply having this moment………..this new day……….because I could easily have not been here, and been pushed aside by our system, and society, as “just another woman murdered by her husband.”   

I am saddened and disgusted by how people don’t think that domestic violence is a “real” problem.  What will it take for people to “really see it”, for what it is?!  A plague, that is spreading, faster and faster, everyday.

I pray for every woman still in that situation, in that horror, and in that severe pain.  No words.  I know how you feel.  You are not alone.  I care, even if our system doesn’t.

Praying.