I had dreams that were shattered……….broken…forever…
Imagine if you could, feeling in love and thinking that this person loves you too.
The honeymoon was over pretty quickly.
The beating started two days after we returned from our honeymoon.
The pain of the beating was so severe, but the shock of what was going on was even more Unthinkable to me.
I thought it was somehow my fault and that I had to be better.
When I went to work I would cry after I would be beaten.
I constantly tried, it seemed, to do whatever I could to please him, but to no avail, he was always so angry.
I thought giving him a child would make him happy, but during one of his beatings I lost our first child. No one can imagine the loneliness and despair I felt. There isn’t a day that goes by, that I don’t think of my child that was lost. Even with two other children I have now, there is an empty place where my child should be. That pain will never go away.
I know that I stayed too long with him, for the sake of our children, and for the fear of what he would do. He is still trying to hurt me in any way he possibly can.
20 years lost of myself.