Survivor Stories

Some Days

Some days, I just like to sit by myself in the forest preserve, after taking a long and peaceful walk.  I just like to sit and listen, to the sounds of nature all around me.  It definitely makes me feel safe.

Safe-and far from all of the craziness and danger that was all around me—during an abusive marriage, which was my HELL!

I like the quiet, the peace, the hope of a day, without pain.  Of course, the pain has not completely disappeared.  Maybe many people take that peace for granted.  I think they do.

I always hope for a future—-of calm, of joy, of happiness, not just for me, but for everyone!!!

I don’t hold onto any hatred towards my abuser—for that would spoil the peace I feel today.

The secret that I figured out, that probably is no secret, is forgiveness, because it is healing for me.  If I held on to any anger or bitterness towards my abuser, I wouldn’t feel any better, and I wouldn’t be able to move forward.

I have hope for a bright future for myself—to do more and to be more, and to help others.

I am just grateful—every day of my life!  Thankful to all those at Guardian Angel, and the Groundwork program that supported me, during such a traumatic time!  I hope everyone helps and donates to them, in order to continue to provide these programs.  Without them, I would have been lost.

Dear Lord

Dear Lord,

I ask for your strength today.

You see – I escaped a few days ago, as you know.

But… I am scared, I am stressed, I am afraid.

I don’t know what to do, or don’t know what my future holds, or where I am going.

I just know I got out, thank goodness.

I am out of the horror that I faced each day, since I have been married.

I am out of the daily beatings.

I am out of the trauma.

I am out of the constant sadness and despair.

I hope for a future of kindness, of compassion, of happiness, of dreams, of living.

The only thing that matters is that I am alive.

I just need strength to move forward.

I know I will have to face him again, in court, so I pray for strength.

Please get me through this, one step and one day at a time.

 

No name, just praying.

Torn

I don’t believe in, nor trust people. I don’t really know how to sum up the pain that has been caused. It’s often too much – too overwhelming to even describe. How does one describe the abuse……… I just want to cry, cry, cry.

How do I describe what has been done to me?! It was indescribable – just unbearable some days, to be honest, that when I was knocked unconscious, and finally woke up in a daze, I just wished it was over. Just so it didn’t have to occur over and over again.

I am glad I woke up and am now free.

The fear I endured, every single day, most people cannot even imagine.

The brutality of the abuse my ex did to me, is etched in my brain, and memories/nightmares left to deal with. That is definitely not love. I may never know true love – after all of this. Too much damage has been done. It takes up all my energy just to get up and keep going. God – Please give me the courage.

I have been torn to pieces.

I pray for happiness.

Time

As I sat in the park crying today, I thought of all of the times, I have done that, because of the abuse I have suffered.

I thought of so many days wasted, because of it.

I thought of things I have not done, because of it.

I thought of opportunities gone, because of it.

I thought of my self-esteem being pushed to the bottom, because of it.

I thought of my body, being beaten and bruised, because of it.

I thought of all of the hateful and hurtful words that were screamed at me by my abuser, and the scars both inside and out, took another piece of my life, each time.

I lost so much, but I thought as well, that I still have, my life.

I am leaving today.

Done crying… the time of each moment of my life away.   He is SO not worth it, and I know I am worth more.

 

Anonymous Survivor, who is finally leaving

Sleep

Do I dare go to sleep tonight?  Will I wake up, or will he kill me while I sleep?

Those are the thoughts I have had many nights, after he has come home from work, and gone into a rage, over little things I did that he did not like, such as if his dinner wasn’t hot enough. He even acted like that when his friends came over for dinner, and they didn’t even seem bothered by it.  Even though I have fresh bruises on my arm, and a cut on my eye, his friends, didn’t even ask what happened.  Do they know?  Do they just not even care?

I think people in this community would just rather look the other way instead of helping.

Just a helpful and encouraging word, would be nice.  To let me know, that I’m not alone, even though I feel like I am.

I am still in my situation, but attempting to leave soon, so please pray for me;   And for anyone who cares, if you see someone like me who might need help, I hope you would take time to do so.

Maybe someday, I will be free and able to sleep soundly again.

Anonymous and asking people to stop and help others…….